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Bill Bailey
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Unisex Chip Shop
I used to buy my chips
From an oppressive chip shop regime,
The girl who worked there
She seemed happy
But I knew it was not what it seemed,
'Do you want salt and vinegar?'
Was what they made her say,
But in the language of the ghetto
That means 'Help,
I'm a woman in chains!'
I wanted to free her,
In my dreams I would see her
Running naked through the woods round Rainham
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If I had some tigers I'd train them
To protect her
From the sexual facism that was lurking round the gherkins
I'd lean across the counter and we would talk,
I carved her name, Debbie, on a little wooden fork,
But into the shop came a skin-head gang
They snatched the fork from my hand
Debbie, she looked at me
To assert my masculinty I said 'Oi!'
They said 'What?!'
I said 'Nothing.'
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